Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Day #50: Forgive me Father, for I have sinned
OK, I am going to say the one thing you're not supposed to say (and ladies you know I am right about this), we judge. Who do we judge...men. I don't care if you've declared from the top of Mt. Everest, "I'm just looking for that nice guy with a great personality. It doesn't matter what he looks like"...you are lying. Whoever said "never judge a book by it's cover," obviously was looking at the book in dim lighting. We judge. It's human nature. It's the law of physics, attraction, and chemistry all rolled into one. Plain, pure, and simple, attraction is a big part of the relationship equation.
I read somewhere that when women are looking at a man's dating profile online, the first thing they look at is the picture. If they don't like what they see, then they're not going to read the rest of the profile, and they're going to swiftly press "delete." Harsh, I know. Multiple studies have been conducted on the science of attraction. One study found that physically attractive traits include high degrees of bilateral facial symmetries, such as eyes that are identical in shape and size, and waist-to-hip ratios of 0.7 for women, and 0.9 for men. So, then, I'm not off mark if I don't particularly care for his crooked teeth, or the way he holds a fork (long story). I wasn't crazy when I went to the bathroom 30 minutes into a dinner date, desperately calling my dear friend Missy for some kind of emergency, ANY kind of emergency!!
Of course, there's more to it than meets the eye. Physical attraction coupled with a mental connection is just the spark needed to ignite the fire. You can't have one without the other. I have met many a wonderful man in my time, but without that physical attraction, there just isn't a spark. On the other hand, you could be out with the next Adanis, but if those little neurons aren't firing fast enough to keep up with what's coming out of his mouth, well, then you're still out of luck.
I wish I could say that we never judged someone by the way they look. However, the harsh reality is, when it comes to finding a partner, we're kind of program to do so. My favorite, Jane Austen wrote, "There is safety in reserve, but no attraction. One cannot love a reserved person." I'm sure Ms. Austen's definition of reserved is much different than my own, but the fundamental point is reserve only gets you so far. For the rest of us, we sometimes need carnal, raw passion that only attraction can bring.
You know what, there is some guy out there that we once dated many moons ago, and he also judged us! I have no doubt I've gone out with some guy who said to himself, "Ewww...not so much. How quickly can I get this over with." It's ok. You're not hurting my feelings. Attraction is subjective, and as I've muttered before, we do it too. It's all about finding the complete package. One in which the good far outweighs the bad, because none of us are perfect. We are all waiting for the person that causes a chemical reaction within us. One that mutates cell structures and rips apart DNA. In the mean time, just have fun. If you judge, you judge. So be it, but above all, mind your Ps and Qs, and just because you many not find someone attractive does not mean you cannot show them your kindness.
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." -Carl Jung