Have you ever had a day that was so startling, so shocking, that the world feels like it has come to a screeching halt, and time stands still. It almost feels as if you're an extra in a movie, instead of the star of your own life. This has been my day. I will spare everyone the gory details, but the fact of the matter is this day in many ways is a rebirth for me. It's the first day that I have stood up on my own, and really and truly believed that I can and should depend on me.
Maslow's theory of hierarchy states that the highest level of human achievement is that of self-actualization. Self-actualization is defined as "What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization…It refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming." I wonder how many of us go through life lacking this crucial piece. Is it that something in our past has prevented the development of self or has our true self been squashed and beaten into submission by someone or something that felt threatened. I'm not entirely sure, but it seems that a life lead without self-actualization is more of an existence than actually living.
Here are Maslow's characteristics of self-actualized people:
* Acceptance and Realism: Self-actualized people have realistic perceptions of themselves, others and the world around them.
* Problem-centering: Self-actualized individuals are concerned with solving problems outside of themselves, including helping others and finding solutions to problems in the external world. These people are often motivated by a sense of personal responsibility and ethics.
* Spontaneity: Self-actualized people are spontaneous in their internal thoughts and outward behavior. While they can conform to rules and social expectations, they also tend to be open and unconventional.
* Autonomy and Solitude: Another characteristics of self-actualized people is the need for independence and privacy. While they enjoy the company of others, these individuals need time to focus on developing their own individual potential.
* Continued Freshness of Appreciation: Self-actualized people tend to view the world with a continual sense of appreciation, wonder and awe. Even simple experiences continue to be a source of inspiration and pleasure.
* Peak Experiences: Individuals who are self-actualized often have what Maslow termed peak experiences, or moments of intense joy, wonder, awe and ecstasy. After these experiences, people feel inspired, strengthened, renewed or transformed.
There are of course the critics that say Maslow is full of bologna, and that there is no scientific validity or acceptable manner which to test this theory. But this is such the scientist talking. Maybe there is more to it than data with a P value of <0.001, or reproducible science. Maybe it's so much deeper than that. I like what Maslow has to say. I like the idea of autonomy, realism, acceptance, spontaneity, experience, and yes, even solitude.
I found this wonderful poem on a site that goes something like this:
Mirror, Mirror
I look in the mirror and what do I see?
A very wonderful, special me!
With pretty eyes all shiny and bright,
My smile show my teeth all pearly white
It certainly is great to be
This very wonderful, special ME!
~author unknown
So what do I see when I look in the mirror? Have I reached self-actualization? When I look in the mirror I see a strong beautiful woman. I see all the potential and desire that lives inside of me, just waiting to escape. I see a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a niece, a cousin, a friend. I see a wife to be, a mother to be. I see a caregiver and a scholar, a writer and artist. I see kindness and compassion, and most importantly I see the readiness and willingness to give and receive love. Maybe this is what Maslow had in mind. Buddhists believe that love is wanting others to be happy, and that love is unconditional and requires courage and acceptance, including self-acceptance. To love self is to love others, and to love others is to be happy. On this day of days, I believe within my heart that love is and always will be what will carry us through, and for that I choose to love unconditionally, with courage and acceptance.
“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” -Mother Teresa
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