Sunday, October 3, 2010

Day #39 & #40: Finding my religion.



So much happens at 30, at least so much has happened for me, and not merely on a physical and mental level. I've started to begin this transformation that to me feels metaphysical and spiritual, and part of it is really discovering who I am. I was out today taking a walk, hopefully not to the dismay of my physical therapist, and my goal throughout the entire walk was to take in ever sensory experience I could...I felt the cool Fall breeze on the tip of my nose, I smelled the lovely smell of fresh fallen leaves, I saw the tapestry of color that comes with the season, I heard the toil and chatter of a pre-teen soccer game, and I tasted the burning embers of a blazing fireplace. You see, to me, this is my spiritual place, this is my church.

I've been searching over the past year to figure out what "religion" suits me best. I was raised Catholic, and although I appreciate and respect the beautiful traditions of the faith, to me I've always felt disconnected. To me, church has never been a place where I feel close to God. It's more of a place for ritual and practice, and that has never appealed to me in the spiritual sense. I've always felt closest to God when alone, or at least alone in a physical sense...just me and God one on one, amongst the beauty of nature. I often have this conversation with God that goes something like this, "Hey God, it's Michelle, again, how are things in the universe?" And he would reply, "Just stellar my darling. It's good to hear from you again. We really should catch up more often."

I'm not convinced that one creed, or one religion, is the right and most divine path to God. Yes, I do believe in Jesus, but I also believe in Buddha, and Moses, and Shiva, and Mohamed...to me they are all vessels for God, and not one or the other is more important. It has always seemed silly to me that the human race finds some inexplicable desire to fight over religions, but when we strip it down to its structure and skeleton, all revolve around the same idea...love God and love one another. Maybe John Lennon had it right when he wrote,

"Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace


I'd like to think that my spirituality, or my religion, is based solely on my relationship with God, and the incredible bond that I have formed with him this past year. I simply felt what was in my heart, and without flinching, my relationship with God was born. Now, this isn't to say that I find anything wrong with organized religion. In fact, in many ways I see the beauty of Christianity, Judaism, and all of the worlds religions. I'm in awe of the discipline of my family and friends who attend church every Sunday, or keep kosher, or pray five times a day. But, the truth of the matter is, that is them, but it's not me. My relationship with God is what lives and breathes within my heart. So maybe the take home point is that spirituality, religion, or whatever you want to call it, is deeply personal, and cannot be expressed in one creed or one book for everyone. Maybe the simplest way to think of it is this, from the beautiful words of Les Miserables, "to love another person is to see the face of God."

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