Sunday, September 19, 2010
Day #25 & #26: To purge or not to purge...that is the question.
I've had an insanely productive day. I have single-handedly cleaned out every closet, drawer, shelf, nook, cranny, etc...in my wee condo. It feels as if 10 pounds have been lifted off my shoulders, and now I can sit back on my comfy sofa, and enjoy my clean, organized, and clutter-free abode. While I was cleaning and discarding old and useless items, I began to think about the concept of purging all of that left over junk from previous relationships...pictures, cards, letters, gifts, etc... I wonder why many of us find it so easy to get rid of that $100 pair of jeans we don't wear anymore, but yet we hold on to old memories of relationships gone bad.
Admit it, we all have that box somewhere, either at our house, our parents' house, or a storage unit, filled with memorabilia of our past relationships. We occasionally open them to take a visit down memory lane. In reality, I'd liken it more to Scrooge's journey with the ghost of Christmas past, except this is a journey through the ghosts of relationship pasts. I have to wonder after my marathon cleaning session, why in the world would we want to keep anything that reminds us of relationships that have ended in heartache?
Think about it...why should we keep cards and letters and gifts from someone who has shaken us and hurt us to our very core? It seems silly to want to have any memory of the despicable behavior of someone we trusted with our hearts, only to have it shattered into a thousand little pieces in the end. I'm guilty of opening Pandora's box of relationship pasts, only to find that it did not conjure up warm fuzzy memories of days gone by. In fact, it pissed me off and made me remember all of the pain and crap that individual had put me through.
On my hard drive, I had a relic of a relationship past. A collection of photos of a certain someone, neatly arranged in a folder named "Do not look at this right now." The other night, I sat there and with a heavy heart scrolled through the photos yet again. Then it occurred to me...why am I saving something that I really need not look at again? It was NOT something to look at later, it was something to get rid of as soon as possible. This person will never be part of my life again, nor is he my beloved. So why hold on to it. Sure, I can remember a few happy moments we spent together, but the sum of the whole equaled complete and utter disaster. So, without a wince, I moved my mouse over the ubiquitous folder, and deleted it. And, you know what, it felt surprisingly good!
To me, that symbolized my readiness to move on, and put the ghosts of my relationship past behind me. I've come to the conclusion that I cannot move forward, and look forward to a future with a wonderful man, if I don't let go of the demons that once haunted me. So I have exorcised the demons. I think we should all take a moment, reflect on our relationship days gone by, and then simply let them go. Imagine how wonderful it will be to release that which has ended in misery, only to make room for a a positive and happy relationship that leaves us floating on air and with butterflies in our stomach. That's what I have finally made room for :-)