Monday, August 30, 2010
Day#6: "I have the power"...do you really?
Power. It is a word with multiple connotations, some good, some tepid, and some just down right evil. Whether we realize it or not, one of the biggest power struggles of all is the power struggle that exists in a relationship. We tell ourselves that things are peachy keen, and that we both see eye to eye, but in reality, we are wracked and riddled with worry and fear because the power has shifted, and now we realize he has it all! So, why is this a problem? Well, as someone I hold in very high esteem once told me..."you never want him to have all the power."
OK, so this not some feminist manifesto. This is merely an observation and examination of everyday human behavior. The power dance that is the relationship. So why not let him have all the power? Counter question, why would we want him to have all the power? Now, it's reasonable to say that throughout the course of a relationship, the power will shift from partner to partner, and one can hope that the flow will be equal and that when one does have the power, they will use it for good. The problem is, when one individual in the relationship retains all of the power. This is when it becomes more like a dictatorship than a democracy. Think of all the tyrants we've had in this world...Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin...all had absolute power, and it all led to utter destruction.
When the exchange and dance of power in the relationship is constantly unbalanced, then it becomes a recipe for disaster. Of course, there are the obvious discords of power...abuse of any kind for example. However, have we ever stopped to think that allowing him to have all the power, to manipulate to control, whether he is one of the kindest men in the world, is the purest form of masochism? Here's a notion, how about power from within first. Power to hold ourselves in high esteem and to look in a mirror and see the beauty that exists. Lao Tsu once wrote that, "he who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still."
So there is it...the balance of power of any relationship begins with the power we have within each and everyone of us. Strength is beautiful, and self-awareness is far more powerful than any outward physical beauty. So, never give up that power. Alice Walker so poignantly proclaimed that, "the most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." Always remember how beautiful you are, and how much good exists within you. That is what makes you the most powerful person in the universe.