Days #114-123: It's your life, live it as you please

I have been, or should I say, strived to be the perfect child and eventually the perfect adult. My life generally revolved around pleasing others, putting every one's happiness and comfort before my own. Perhaps, I became comfortable with "martyr syndrome." I become comfortable disregarding my own feelings, wants, needs, and desires. I lived my life as if I were a master tight-rope walker without the comfort of a safety-net. One small slip and everything would come tragically crashing down.

George Orwell wrote, "the essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection." Then why do so many of us find ourselves in the grips of the search for the holy grail of perfection? Is perfection sticking to conventional norms or satisfying the expectations of your parents? If this is the case, is this really living one's own life? As far as I am concerned, satisfying the needs of convention or our progenitors allows THEM to be happy, but leaves the star of the show feeling disillusioned, disappointed, and aimlessly wondering through a life that really does not belong to them.

There is also a very glaring detail in the quest for perfection...it simply cannot happen and it drains every molecule of energy left to seek the unreachable. Perfection cannot equal happiness. In fact, it is the imperfection in life that allows us to appreciate all of the beauty that surrounds us. If everything was perfect this whole planet and universe would be one big ball of boring. Bleh to that. Harriet Braiker once said, "Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing."

So, I may not be perfect. I may not live my life to the satisfaction of those around me. I'm sure I've disappointed many and left others scratching their heads in disbelief. But here is the real truth-frankly, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the happiness and satisfaction that lives within me knowing that I am living my life exactly how I feel it should be lived. Sometimes things in life happen unexpectedly and surprisingly. Yet, it is often these surprises that allows you to stop and realize that despite all the upheaval about what has happened, that surprise is the most perfect and right thing in the world. What others may deem as an imperfection or a "mistake" turns out to be the most perfect and brilliant thing that could ever happen to you. And to those that shout loudly that it is wrong or a mistake will get over it. If they don't, oh well. I'm not going to let their shit ruin my stunning masterpiece.