Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Day #98 & #99: I think I just saw a ghost-oh wait, that was my ex
It's inevitable-one of these days you will unexpectedly run into a former flame or old boyfriend. It may be a face to face run in or a simple glance while on the street. Regardless, for some reason it seems to stir up memories of old. And like seeing a ghost, it leaves you stunned and disillusioned for a period of time.
This happened to me the other day. Innocently leaving work I happened to glance a familiar silhouette out of the corner of my eye. He was as I remembered him. Tall and slender with a book bag casually slung over his shoulders. Nothing had changed. He was the same figure I had been so head over heals for just 8 months ago. I sat in my car, the breath sucked out of me for a few moments, until I regained my composure.
Then something miraculous happened. I digested that elusive figure in front of me-the figure that I had so longed for and so loved for a period of time. The image that I had idolized and put on the highest possible pedestal. Then it occurred to me after taking that entire image in that day-he really wasn't as spectacular as I had made him out to be. In fact, he looked rather small and diminutive.
It was then that I realized that this person, or rather this perfect image I had created in my mind, simply did not exist. Sure, he was nice enough, but fundamentally and after months of heartache and tears, he really wasn't good to me. At that moment the image faded and I was suddenly jolted back to reality. The image wasn't so beautiful....this was someone that had hurt deeply and had never reciprocated the care and love I once had for him. In effect, it was a completely one sided relationship, with me working my ass off to keep things afloat, while "prince charming" sat back and sulked and chose to live in a bleak and dark past.
So now I am ready to tell the world that I am finally seeing a man who cares for me and treats me as I deserve. At the moment I saw the ghost of my relationship past flash in front of me, I realized in that second how wonderful it was to finally have someone in my life who truly cared for me and, gasp, tells me on a daily basis he misses me when we cannot be together. I finally understand that a good relationship does not require me to work like hell and give 100% of myself all the time while the other person contributes absolutely nothing. A good relationship is about two people giving and taking equally. It is about mutual respect and admiration and missing and longing for that person when you cannot be with them.
It was once said that "there’s no need to miss someone from your past. There’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future." How true. Why miss someone who obviously didn't make the cut into your future. It really isn't worth being with someone who leaves us with a gaping hole in our chests anyway. So what is the point then? Should we ever regret a previous relationship? I think not. Being with the wrong person has taught me about how wonderful it will be, or may already be, when the right person finally comes along.