Day #15: Keep breathing.

I have been listening to a song by Ingrid Michaelson, Keep Breathing, on an almost daily basis lately. It's kind of become my "anthem" for the year. Here are the lyrics:

The storm is coming but I don't mind
People are dying, I close my blinds

All that i know is I'm breathing now

I want to change the world...instead I sleep
I want to believe in more than you and me

But all that I know is I'm breathing
All i can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now
now
now
now

All that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing

All we can do is keep breathing,
now

Why does this song resonate with me so much? I guess for one, it reminds that despite all of the curve balls life throws at us, we are still breathing, we need to keep breathing, and everything has a miraculous way of working itself out. There are particular phrases in this song that really speak to me. One is the concept that we all want to change the world, but instead we keep sleeping. Howe many of us have thought at a ripe young age that we would change the world. I still like to think that I'm making a difference in this world, and perhaps, invoking some change, but the one thing I have realized is that I cannot save everyone, nor is it my job to do so. People are people, and they have free will. As long as we impact one life, then our mission is accomplished.

She also touches on the idea that we have to believe in something other than just "you and me." My goodness, how many of us have become consumed by a relationship or lover, our whole existence revolving around the whim of one individual, only to find that the illusion we have built is abruptly shattered. I guess my point is we have to believe in ourselves, and not always depend on another to be our world. Your world is your world, individually. A partner, a friend, is simply a gift that needs to be cherished, fed, and watered so that it will continue to grow. However, like any strong foundation, our core belief in self and individuality, is what keeps the rest of the structure safely supported.

If you also notice, she repeats over and over the same line "all we can do is keep breathing." I'm convinced that we need that constant reassurance and reinforcement, that despite all of the chaos that life brings, we must keep breathing and moving forward. Not breathing is, well, not an option. I tell myself quite frequently, when things are tough, and I am starting to feel discouraged, to just keep breathing.

Buddha was once asked if there was one particular quality one should cultivate that would best bring one to full awakening. Buddha's reply: Being mindful of breathing. I'd like to leave you with a passage adapted from The Samyutta Nikaya. Always be mindful that we need to keep breathing, we need to keep moving forward, even through difficulty. We are strong and able, and we must never forget that.

"There is the case where a monk, having gone to the wilderness, to the shade of a tree, or to an empty building, sits down folding his legs crosswise, holding his body erect, and setting mindfulness to the fore. Always mindful, he breathes in; mindful he breathes out. Breathing in long, he discerns that he is breathing in long; or breathing out long, he discerns that he is breathing out long. Or breathing in short, he discerns that he is breathing in short; or breathing out short, he discerns that he is breathing out short. He trains himself to breathe in sensitive to the entire body, and to breathe out sensitive to the entire body. He trains himself to breathe in calming the bodily processes, and to breathe out calming the bodily processes. He trains himself to breathe in sensitive to rapture, and to breathe out sensitive to rapture. He trains himself to breathe in sensitive to pleasure, and to breathe out sensitive to pleasure. He trains himself to breathe in sensitive to mental processes, and to breathe out sensitive to mental processes. He trains himself to breathe in calming mental processes, and to breathe out calming mental processes. He trains himself to breathe in sensitive to the mind, and to breathe out sensitive to the mind. He trains himself to breathe in satisfying the mind, and to breathe out satisfying the mind. He trains himself to breathe in steadying the mind, and to breathe out steadying the mind. He trains himself to breathe in releasing the mind, and to breathe out releasing the mind. He trains himself to breathe in focusing on inconstancy, and to breathe out focusing on inconstancy. He trains himself to breathe in focusing on dispassion, and to breathe out focusing on dispassion. He trains himself to breathe in focusing on cessation, and to breathe out focusing on cessation. He trains himself to breathe in focusing on relinquishment, and to breathe out focusing on relinquishment."

Day #14: I've finally found my mojo!

I am a big believer that the universe brings you exactly what you need at exactly the right moment. There are no coincidences in life; everything happens for a reason and with purpose. This is certainly true with love and relationships. After years of bad dating experiences, I've finally come to the conclusion that love will find me because I am willing and ready to accept it.

So how does love find you? Well, for one, we must break down the force fields many of us create around ourselves in order to keep out yet another heartbreak. Of course, this does not occur overnight, and after many years of painful relationship after painful relationship, it is only natural that we would want to protect those last few unscathed areas of our hearts. The problem is that it prevents us from finding that one true love or, as I like to call it, our beloved. Love can be harrowing and challenging, but we will never find it if we do not put ourselves out there, ready and willing to accept it.

This is what we all need to you. Declare to the universe, "yes, I am ready for love. I come willing with an open heart and open mind, ready to accept what I deserve." Have you ever noticed that a closed heart attracts the wrong kind of attention. Sure, we may find a partner for a reasonable amount of time, but nine times out of ten, this individual is broken and bruised, loaded down with too much baggage that they are simply not able to give and receive love as it should be given and received. It is only when we walk into this world with a heart full of love that we will find our beloved.

So, yes, universe, I am finally ready to accept and embrace my beloved. I have in essence, found my mojo! Buddha wrote that “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” I will go through life with a smile on my face, willing and ready for the love and affection I deserve. I will not let negativity, and any more broken individuals bring me down. My heart is ready for something real, something inspired, and something pure. I wish for everyone to feel this way. The universe will bring you love when you release your positive mojo out there, and declare, "yes, I am ready!!"

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Day #13: Just call me Betty Crocker :-)

It has been an absolutely lovely labor day. I had a wonderful walk with my sister earlier in the morning, followed by grocery shopping at the mecca of grocery stores, Wegman's. I finished off the day by making a lovely apple harvest soup and home-made apple bars...yummy!!!

This got me thinking about the power of food. Have we ever noticed that gatherings seem to revolve around that one special dish, with multiple accompaniments, followed by a cake with a lovely-butter cream. OK, well maybe that's my idea of the perfect gathering, but the fact of the matter is that food is the great uniter. It brings together people who may otherwise not gather in the same room, let alone converse with each other. Food is a display of love, a display of affection, and a display of gratitude.

Why don't we gather together anymore for meals that last hours, with great wine and great conversation? The Poles and the French do this on a daily basis. Life revolves around food, and as a result, life revolves around family and friends. Eating has become more of a race rather than a pleasurable experience. I think we would all be more content and more fulfilled if we just stopped for a moment, savored the aromas and tastes, and enjoyed the company for a change.

As a final thought, I'd like to leave you with the recipe I made today. It makes me think of home and life :)

Apple-Cinnamon Fruit Bars
http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes_menus/recipe_slideshows/healthy_fruit_bars

Day #11 & #12: The Simple Things in Life.

Forgive my absence yesterday. It's been a very busy but fun weekend, and I did not have access to my computer yesterday! So here we go!

I've been thinking quite a bit about simplicity. There is a part of me that longs for a time when the simple act of sipping tea, or gathering around to listen to someone read from Shakespeare's sonnets was the stuff that life was made of. It also seems that, at least what I've read, that the act of courtship and falling in love were also so much simpler.

Forgive me, I am a Jane Austen groupie, and perhaps she has skewed my sense of what romance is and should be. I was watching one of my favorite films this evening, Sense and Sensibility, also one of my favorite books by the way, and I always watch in awe of how the courtship of Edward and Elinor unfolds. There is such an innocence and a simplicity to the love that develops between them. There is no passionate love scene; it's all about communication and understanding. My goodness, they hardly even touch each other through the story, yet the develop this deep and ever-lasting love.

We are really missing so much of this in today's world. It's all about how quickly can things progress, how many dates I can go on in a 7 day period, updating my dating profile on a daily basis, instead of the beauty of allowing things to unravel organically. There is something to be said for developing a friendship with someone first. I truly believe that the best relationships are built on friendship and communication. If you can't enjoy talking to the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with, then, by God, who can you talk to.

So maybe there is something to the late-Georgian era. Maybe we shouldn't allow romance to die, and perhaps we need redefine what romance is, and how it should be conducted. I don't think Austen was off mark when she described the process of falling in love as of one of gentility and innocence. Why not say, as Elinor said so dearly, "I think very highly of him--that I greatly esteem him." So, maybe we all need to turn the blackberries off, unplug the laptop, and allow the universe to find us and bring us the love we deserve. And then when we have it, slow down, talk to each other, light some candles, sip tea, and read to each other a little Jane Austen while you're at it.

“Why not seize the pleasure at once, how often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparations.” -Jane Austen

Day #10: Please don't rain on my parade.

I was out to dinner tonight with two dear friends of mine, and the conversation turned to the subject of negativity and happiness. In particular, we began discussing how it is that some people seem to go through life with such negativity, always complaining about something, and having the "woe is me" attitude. We all have that friend on Facebook that seems to have nothing good to post, and we eventually decide to hide them because the string of negative thoughts is just too damn depressing. Are we all coded differently; some of us with the happy gene and others of us with the not-so-happy gene? I'm not entirely convinced. We all came to the conclusion this evening that happiness really is a choice.

A pessimistic attitude has more of an impact then we may think. Negative thinking has a profound physical impact on our bodies. It can cause chemical changes within the body that can decrease the flow of endorphins, cause poor judgment and racing thoughts, and diminishes our bodies natural immune defenses, making us more prone to illness. Negativity also causes stress, anxiety, and depression, which can lead to hypertension, cardiovascular disease, ulcers, and respiratory problems. On the other side of spectrum is the wondrous impact of positive thinking. The Mayo Clinic published an article on the health benefits of positive thinking. They found that positive thinking can increase lifespan, lower rates of depression, provide greater resistance against colds, and reduces the risk of death from cardiovascular disease.

Wow...if that's not convincing enough to change your attitude, I'm not sure what is. The point is that we can make a conscious decision to lead a happy life. This means not allowing each and every slip and disappointment or hurt in life to bring us down. We must face it, life is full of tragedy and heartache, but it is how we choose to handle these situations that speaks volume about our desire for happiness.

I can speak from personal experience and my own tragedies. Losing your father at 19 is not exactly easy, and it has a tremendously profound effect on the rest of your life. You can choose to grieve and see the world as this hostile place, where nothing will go right. Or, you can accept what life has handed you, turn that tragedy into something good, and find joy in all of life's gifts, rather then dwell on each tragedy. This isn't to say that I don't miss my father. On the contrary, I miss him everyday, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish for one more moment with him. However, I know that he is always with me, and I remind myself of how lucky I was to have 19 wonderful years with him. I choose not to dwell on the grief, but rather, honor my father in the best possible way, by leading a happy and joyous life. Life can be taken away from us in the blink of the eye, and I don't know about you, but I want to enjoy and savor each and every moment of this wondrous existence while I am still able to do so.

So, I implore each and everyone of you to find happiness in all things, and discover the good in something that seems horribly bad. Buddhism teaches that through awareness of our mental activities, we can rid ourselves of every harmful thought and bring forth every possible positive thought. My favorite interpretation of happiness comes from Groucho Marx, who said "Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it." Each day is a new start, and with it brings endless possibilities. Never forget that, and never forget that you have the power and the ability to be as happy as you choose to be.

Day #9: The Bucket List.

I've been hearing many people talk about their bucket lists (maybe part of this is occupational hazard). I've said to myself over and over again, self, you really need to write one. I have so many things I want to do, and keeping with my type A personality, a list seems like the perfect solution. I'd like to share it with all of you, and hope that maybe I can encourage everyone to create one for themselves. I know my list will evolve and things will be added, and maybe some deleted, but my hope is that I will be able to put a check next to each item. So here it is, my bucket list (or at least the beginnings of it...)

1. Have a baby.
2. Actually get to wear a wedding dress :)
3. Climb the top of the Eiffel tower.
4. Swim in the blue waters of Bali in a string bikini.
5. Eat at Gordon Ramsey's London in NYC, and enjoy every morsel.
6. Sip wine overlooking a vineyard in Napa.
7. Become fluent in Polish.
8. Write a personal memoir.
9. Write a book.
10.See my name in print (with my published work).
11.Visit each continent, maybe even Antarctica.
12.Cook in the Italian country-side with some beautiful Italian man.
13. Conquer my fear of horses.
14. Snorkel again in the barrier reef.
15. Visit Perth, Australia.
16. Visit my parents home towns again.
17. Explore my family's history.
18. Shamelessly and without guilt, pose for fantastic professional photos of myself.
19. Attend the symphony more often.
20. Visit art museums by myself, and savor each beautiful piece of art.
21. Forgive all those who have hurt me in the past...I'm sure they have also been hurt before.
22. Make sure my family and friends always know how much I love them.
23. Adopt another kitty cat, and spoil and cuddle with the one I have already as much as possible.
24. Run through a field of lavender.
25. Plant a garden.
26. Enjoy the smell of fresh snow right after a storm, and maybe even learn to ski.
27. Always make hot chocolate with divine organic cocoa.
28. Let my hair grow out and be its crazy curly self.
29. Visit my grandmother with my mother, brother, and sister. The whole family together.
30. Practice meditation.


Ok, I think this is a good start. I better get moving! I hope you will all consider doing this. Let's your imagination go wild! Anything is possible!!

Day #8: The Art of Saying No.

Have you ever noticed how for some of us, the simple of act of saying no seems almost impossible to do. I find women in particular, myself included, have the most difficulty with this. Maybe it's because we feel the need to please everyone, that the thought of turning someone down makes us fear the unthinkable...we may disappoint someone. Unfortunately, many of us go through life putting the needs of everyone else before our very own.

We must face it, it's inevitable, in life we will disappoint someone, and someone will disappoint us, and it's very likely it will happen more than once. This is just human nature. The problem lies when we become riddled with guilt and begin ignoring our own needs. This is when we begin losing our own spirit and sense of identity.

Realistically, how can we care for anyone if we don't care for ourselves first. We've all heard it before, in order to love someone else you have to love yourself first, and you know what, it's true! Care-giver burden and burn-out is an all too real occurrence, and when it occurs, it's generally damaging to everyone involved. The fact of the matter is, we need to stop being people pleasers, and start taking care of ourselves for a change. So, my challenge to all of you is to do something just for you...read a book, bake bread, get a manicure, whatever it is that makes you happy. And then, take a moment, and see how doing this one little act makes you feel. Feel your physical response on your body as well as your emotional response. Remember it, because I know it's going to feel good! Now, whenever you are in a situation where you want to say no, but feel too riddled with guilt to do so, think about how good it felt to do something for your self, remember that you cannot please the world, and accept that it is ok to do what is good for you for a change.