Day #66, #67, & #68: Pleasure

It has been a fun and exciting three days! Enjoying being 30!

OK, to the serious stuff. As you all may know, I absolutely love Liz Gilbert and her book "Eat, Pray, Love." While in Italy, Liz learns to practice the art of pleasure. Pleasure, not crack open a six pack and watch the game...no, divine, relaxing, do what you love pleasure. The Italians and Spaniard and French have seem to have perfected this art. Why not the rest of us? Jane Austen wrote, "“Why not seize the pleasure at once, how often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparations.”

I did something very out of character for me to today. I decided, just as Liz did, to engage in some much needed pleasure. OK, for some of you out there, get your minds of the gutter. I'm talking about slowing down, doing something I love, and leaving obligation behind for once. Yes, I have a hamper full of laundry that needs to be done, a dishwasher to be emptied, and a tub to scour, but you know what, it will all still be there tomorrow. On this beautiful Sunday, I slipped on my toastiest socks and yoga pants, planted myself on the love seat right next to the window in my bedroom, covered myself with a lovely fleece blanket, and curled up with my kitty and Edward and Bella (yes, I am not afraid to admit that I am reading the Twilight series). And you know what, I felt so incredibly happy. This is my pleasure....a soft chair, a warm blanket, and a great book.

I wish more of us would slow down and savor all of the things that bring us joy. Life is hectic and complicated, filled with duty, children, spouses, but so often, one's own heart and psyche stays neglected. I no longer want to lose sight of what my heart needs and what I need to feed my spirit. So, I have resolved to do things that bring me pleasure more often. I will strive to find a greater balance of responsibility and rest, duty and self-love, and necessity and pleasure. As Voltaire once said, “Pleasure is the object, duty and the goal of all rational creatures.”

Day #64 & #65: Pieces of me

What an incredibly long, busy and draining week. Not necessarily draining in a bad way, but nonetheless, an exercise in mental fitness. I keep thinking about the journey these last few months have been for me and the transformations I seem to make on a daily basis. I'd like to think of the "old" Michelle and the "new and improved" Michelle. What do I mean by this? Well, take this week for instance. Work was insanely busy, patients were very sick or dying, and there just hasn't seemed to be enough hours in the day to get things done. Now, the "old" Michelle would likely have pouted, threw a million and one excuses on the week, retreated to my cave, and sulked for the rest of the weekend. The "new" Michelle has learned that, yeah, things may get tough, and it's OK to feel overwhelmed and discouraged, but at the end of the day, a serene sense of being and a positive outlook makes even the worst day seem like a blessing.

I will not lie, I am really happy with the person I am becoming. I think everyone should fall in love with themselves. It's not about being conceited or self-absorbed, it's about just taking care of yourself and acknowledging all of the good and the beauty you bring to this world. I love that I can be quirky and intense, yet quiet and reflective. I like challenging myself with new words or new languages. I embrace my nerdiness! I also enjoy being kind to someone who may not expect it. I like to talk to people, and learn about them. And, I'm becoming a much better listener, because it's amazing what you learn when you stop and actually hear what someone is saying.

Abraham Lincoln wrote, "I do the best I know how, the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing it to the end. If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me will not amount to anything. If the end brings me out all wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference." There is something invaluable about being your best self and doing the best that you can, even if the final output is not exactly what you had hoped for. It truly is more about the effort, more about loving yourself and giving your all.

So, according to a personality test from the Human Project, I am the following:

Neuroticism 58%
Extraversion 41%
Openness to Experience 96%
Agreeableness 85%
Conscientiousness 86%

"You do not usually get angry too easily but some things can annoy you, however you often resist any cravings or urges that you have, but sometimes you give in. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. Familiar routines are good, but sometimes you like to spice up your life with a bit of adventure or activity. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity, however there are times when you believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary, however you are mostly candid, frank and sincere. People find it moderately easy to relate to you. You are well-organized and like to live according to routines and schedules. Often you will keep lists and make plans."

Don't you just love the Internet :-) Whatever you are, or whatever the pieces that you are made of, you are you, and you deserve to love you. Yes, I may be neurotic, introverted, but I'm also open minded and kind hearted. I like that. So, I want everyone to do something, anything, that allows you to embrace yourself and all of your gifts. Euripides wrote, "There is just one life for each of us: our own." A lifetime is a long time to not like yourself. Give yourself a big hug and each and everyone morning say to yourself, "self, wow, I really do like you."

"At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time."
~Friedrich Nietzsche

Day #62 & #63: It's all about the 'tude, baby

Someone may be the most physically beautiful man or woman on the planet, but if he or she has a bad attitude, well then he or she is just down right ugly. A bad attitude really enhances the ugly, while a positive attitude amplifies the pretty. It really is all about the attitude. William James wrote, "The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind."

Webster's dictionary defines attitude as a mental position with regard to fact or state. Unlike personality which scientists considered fixed, attitudes change and develop with certain circumstances and experiences. Attitudes can be positive, negative, neutral, or a cocktail of all three. Psychologists believe attitudes are rooted in the ABC approach: affect, behavioral change, and cognition.The kicker with attitude....it's all about choice. One can choose to put on a sour face and pout and have the ugliest worst possible attitude, or one can smile, exhale, and find that lovely positive attitude. Each morning you wake up, you have the choice to be in a good mood or bad mood, happy or sad, defeated or hopeful.

There are multiple benefits to a positive attitude. Those with a positive attitude achieve more, are happier, have more energy, inspire and motivate themselves and others, and cope better with the difficulties of life. The other thing, having a bad attitude just takes so much energy. It really is draining. I know many people with bad attitudes, and I am entirely convinced that they are exhausted inside because of all of the energy they are expending to maintain that constant negative state of mind. It might be a beautiful warm sunny day, but they might find one small negativity, and then the beautiful day is just destroyed.

So, to those suffering a bad attitude, I plead with you, I implore you, cheer up cupcake! There's way too much beauty in this world to live it with a permanent frown on your face. To those with a positive attitude, hooray! You got it baby! Just as Winston Churchill said, “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." So smile more, laugh more, play more! Exercise that big great positive attitude muscle. Embrace how all of this positive energy changes your well-being. You have the power and the choice to have a good attitude. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, " Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission."

Day #60 & #61: La Dolce Vita

Don't you just find the initial stages of meeting someone new exhilarating. It's like enjoying that amazing piece of 90% cocoa dark chocolate, eating it slowly, savoring each and every bite so that it lasts as long as possible. It's all about the initial anticipation, the hopefulness, learning all about this really interesting new person, and reasons to get dressed up and wear that great new dress. Dating someone new is like a horizon, and just like the horizon, the beginning of a new "something or other" is full of endless possibilities.

Like that fantastic piece of dark chocolate, the birth of a possible new partnership must progress slowly. I have been on the other end of the spectrum, with an alleged relationship moving faster than the speed of light, only to explode like the atomic bomb. My fatal mistake...I never took the time to really get to know someone before I jumped in. I was all about rainbows and fairy tales and finding the prince in shining armor. My rose colored glasses prevented me from seeing some major character flaws, that I would now like to think the smarter and wiser Michelle would now sniff out before a poor heart is broken. Maybe my mom had it right when she lectured to me on an almost daily that the key to a long lasting relationship is built on a strong friendship. C.S. Lewis wrote, "Friendship is born at the moment when one persons say to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

The great master Michelangelo did not paint the Sistine Chapel overnight. No, my escapades through the folly of relationships has taught me that like any great work of art, it needs to time to grow and develop over time. I'm also starting to realize that spending time with someone new, the first initial stages, are really some of the best to be had. It's like a runner's high! All of the adrenaline is just pumping through the veins, your head is swirling in a rush of delightful bliss, and everything just seems right with the world.

It's just nice to like someone, just really like someone. It was once said that "getting people to like you is merely the other side of liking them." Aristotle said "wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow-ripening fruit." So maybe that's what we all need to do. Instead of diving into a new relationship without a life preserver, maybe we need to slow down, put that unripened piece of fruit on the window sill to ripen, let it turn a lovely color, and then enjoy it's savory sweetness when good and ready.

Day #59: The Eternal Optimist

No longer will I balk at the person with the overly sunny disposition. No longer will I cringe when I see someone with what appears to be a permanently affixed smile on his or her face. No longer will I shut my ears when I hear someone billowing in laughter. I no longer want to be the person with the snide attitude. The one who never sees the good in anything or anyone. I want to be the one who sparkles in the sunlight, who smiles even at the most mundane of things and laughs just because. From now I want to be one of the eternal optimists.

The Oxford dictionary defines optimism as "hopefulness and confidence about the future or successful outcome of something; a tendency to take a favorable or hopeful view." Webster's dictionary defines the word as a "doctrine that this world is the best possible world; an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome."The word is derived from the Latin term meaning "best." There are thousands and thousand of sites out there on how to become an optimist.

I love the words hopefulness, confidence, success, possibility. They are beautiful sweet arias to my ears. Why do I love them so much, and why have I become a converted optimist. Plain and simple...the world is a much more beautiful place when lived with optimism. A study at the University of Pennsylvania found that learned optimism decreases rates of depression and improves overall physical health. Scientists have also found that optimists are better achievers, are more resilient, cope better with stress, and live a longer, healthier life. While some of the lucky among us possess the innate ability of sustained optimism, others of us are not as lucky. Not to fret though....optimism, like most positive attributes, can be learned and practiced. Avoid that negative environment or negative acquaintance, and fill life with happiness, warmth, and positively uplifting people.

Winston Churchill wrote, "a pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." There are so many difficulties in life, but what a gift to see these seemingly insurmountable obstacles as opportunities of a lifetime. From this point forward, I choose to lead a life full of optimism. I choose to see the good in everyone and everything, and see the positive in the most ugly of situations. I remain cautiously optimistic about the prospect of love, and allow my heart to open to all of the possibilities. I will smile and laugh and play like a child when appropriate. Christopher Peterson wrote in 2000s American Psychologist, "There is abundant reason to believe that optimism-big, little, and in between-is useful to a person because positive expectations can be self-fulfilling." My optimism will be my self-fulfilling prophecy. And as an optimist I believe that my future is a bright shining star, brilliantly glowing in a perfect sky.

The Optimist Creed
by Christian D. Larsen

Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

Make all your friends feel there is something in them.

Look at the sunny side of everything.

Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

Give everyone a smile.

Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others.

Be too big for worry and too noble for anger.

Day #57 & #58: Black and white and all shades in between

I have learned one very important thing over these past few month-you cannot live life in black and white. It was once written that "life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to makes its colors appear." Life is one big techno-color dream. A groovy, trippy, out of this world existence. Some choose to marvel at the colors, while others work very hard with their pink eraser to get rid of them.

I'm really starting to enjoy the colors. I wish I could say that I've always lived life in some beautiful 64 count crayola box. Sadly, I lived many days in a a very divided state...things were either black or white and absolutely no other possible shade of gray. Few things in life are concrete and perfunctory. Sure, the engineer or the physicist might argue with you on this point. I remember my lab rat days laughing at psychology majors thinking...."ha....that's a soft science (i.e. not a real science)." Now I'm starting to realize that there is real truth to the psyche, and that a healthy psyche is anything but extreme. I've come to this conclusion, looking at life from extremes is dangerous.

How is it dangerous? Well, think of all the energy needed to fit everything into a nice little box, labeled either black or white. Tough, right? It's like trying to force the round peg through the square hole. It's not going to work. Yet, so many of try and try to do it to no avail. Joseph Collins wrote, "By starving emotions we become humorless, rigid, and stereotyped; by repressing them we come literal, reformatory, and holier-than-thou; encouraged, they perfume life; discouraged the poison it." It's so much easier to allow the waves to crash than to hold them up with bare hands.

Life needs to be lived like a rubber band, not a fixed piece of wood. Sometimes you will need to stretch yourself a little further, or retract, or find equilibrium. Either way, you need some leeway. The other problem with living a black and white existence is that it leaves no room for the spontaneity of life. Spontaneity is the stuff that life is made of. Every heard the old quote, "We make plans, and God laughs." We have to allow for the surprises in life. I've yet to meet someone who followed a dream, moved to a new city, met the love of his life, and then ten years later griped and moaned about the whole experience.

So, I am now enjoying my crayon box. I'm even throwing in some vibrant oil paints and dainty watercolors while I'm at it. I'm going with the flow and enjoying the ride. Gone are the days of black and white. Hello color!! Besides, I look better in a rich shade of pink then a dull black sweater any day :)

Day #55 & #56: Take me the way I am.

Have you ever noticed that some of us either instantly or gradually morph into our significant others? This reminded me of a passage from Liz Gilbert's book, "Eat, Pray, Love" when she describes an instance when she was having dinner with her friends and her most recent flame. When they both got up and got ready to leave the party, Liz's friend points out to her, "You know Liz you used to look like your ex-husband, now you're starting to look like David (aka the latest boyfriend)." Ouch, just as Liz described it, that's a major slap in the face.

Why is it a slap in the face? After years of female suffrage and equality for all, a comment that you are gradually turning into your partner is down right insulting. Romantic partners are not twins. They are each others complements. Long gone are the days of the man ruling with the iron fist and the woman behaving subservient and passive. The joining of two people has become a partnership, or the act of participation, association, and joint interest as defined by dictionary.com.

For years I have been the woman who twisted and transformed herself into the morph of her partner, only to lose myself in the process. And all for what...to win the affection and love of a man. Why had it never occurred to me that maybe just the simple act of being me is the catalyst to get a man to love you. No wizardry or dark magic. The simplest and easiest thing you can do...just be you. Here is the other clincher, if he doesn't love you for who you truly are, meaning your genuine self, then he doesn't deserve you to begin with.

John Jakes wrote, “Be yourself. Above all, lett who you are, what you are, whoat you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish." The moral of the story...when it comes to relationships, the best you is the real you. That is the person that deserves love and has the capacity to give love. No body wants a fake diamond or a fake Fendi. Why in the world would they want a fake you? Just like any fake, the real thing is hundred times better and worth the exorbitant price of owning it. You are worth it! You are priceless!